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There are lots of very young girls out there swimming, some were naked.We walked up to the front check-in desk. We told the 50 something-year-old black man behind the desk our names. He gave us a key card to our rooms. “Have a good time ladies,” he said to us. He gave me a smile and said to me. “I hope you pick me.”We turned and started to walk to the elevators. I asked Sarah. “what did that man mean, about me picking him?”“Do you remember when you signed up to join? You said you would fuck a guy! His wife may be a member of the club, some of the wife’s husbands are members too, I know it’s a lesbian dating site, but some of the girls are ok if the husband join them, or alone, but for me no way.”We got to the elevators, there is a tall, young girl standing there, she looked to be a mix, half white, and half black, she had big tits, I’m guessing, a D cup, she looked to be 17 or 18 years old. waiting for the elevators. All three of us got on the elevator. The girl asked us what floor. I wanted control. But that inequality was so alien to how I was raised that I felt tremendous guilt about it and never told a soul about my desires. The guilt, however great, never stopped me from fantasizing. If I was going to turn over a new leaf, and try to be open and truly honest with my potential partners, I needed to acknowledge this part of me. Let it out, and learn how to engage it.Suddenly I realized what was so terrifying about being myself. I was petrified about letting the dominant part of me out. What if they thought I was sick. What if they laughed. Worst of all, what if I hurt somebody? Jesus. That would destroy me.But I was stuck on the horns of a dilemma. I couldn't go back to how I was, that way led nowhere, so I could only go forward, but I didn't know how to make a first step.I was contemplating that when Anna called. I hadn't realized it'd gotten so late. I hadn't eaten anything or moved from the table where Jenny sat down hours ago. Anna's suggestion of take.
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